Archive for May, 2011

postheadericon BBN Tweets For God 2011-05-14

Powered by Twitter Tools

postheadericon Post Rapture Planning – Caring For Your Unsaved Loved Ones


It is a sad and worrisome fact that when the Rapture comes some will remain on Earth despite the best of efforts of fine Christians and Christian websites such as this one to inform and educate the Godless, the wicked, the ignorant and the homosexuals as to the fate that awaits them. Theologians struggle to explain why the unsaved remain stubbornly defiant to God’s inescapable and well-documented will. As yet, no one has found a satisfactory theory. My own small contribution to this subject, a treatise entitled The Idiot Anomaly: Explaining Conscious Spiritual Retardation In The Face Of Overwhelming Fact, is slated for publication in July 2008. But now is not the time to speak of this in depth. Rather, I would like to address the issue of how best to care for the un-raptured left on this Earth to wallow in the misery and weep bitter tears of regret for their hubris.

We (by which I mean The Saved) can obviously do nothing from our perch in Heaven to help. Not only will our bodies become like those of Christ, rendering us incapable of physical help, but we will have no other wants, needs or desires other than praising God. It is doubtful that we will even remember our lesbian daughter, our drug-dealing son or the parent that voted Democrat their whole life as their eyes widen in horror as each successive wave of evil sweeps the Earth. We will fully and joyously live eternally with God without the oppression of the wicked! As The Rapture may come at any time, it is important for Christians to plan today for the physical and spiritual safety of their loved ones.

Once raptured, we will be released from thoughts of
all earthly bonds. The pain casued by the unsaved
will be forgotten like so much garbage thrown into the sea

Here is a brief guideline of things to think about. It is suggested that once your plan is in place that you sit down with your unsaved loved ones and walk them through it. This shows them that you are not “hateful” (as no doubt many describe us) but truly concerned with their well-being. We also hear reports of Post-Rapture Planning providing a powerful platform from which to witness. To wit –

It is only natural for the unsaved when presented with a
Post-Rapture to suddenly understand that God is no joke.
Be prepared to accept their testimony and ALWAYS carry
an extra Bible with you.

You: [Name of unsaved], I just want to go over a couple of things you’ll need to know once God takes me to Heaven and leaves you on Earth to suffer until Christ returns to judge you.

Unsaved: Is that what’s going to happen to me?! I had no idea! I don’t want to be left behind! Please help me find Jesus!

This happens far more frequently than you would imagine.

Thus, here are some points to keep in mind as the Rapture draws closer.


Shelter – Many people leave this off their Post-Rapture planning list, assuming that their house will be used for shelter. While that may be true, is your house defensible against attack by the army of Satan? If the European Union or the Muslims (not to mention the North American Union) launches an offensive in your own area of the country (ie – Boise, Idaho or Waco, Texas) can your house withstand the assault? Is there a better, more defensible property available? Many of The Saved spent much time and energy reinforcing their homes and building underground bunkers with an eye towards the day the government outlawed Christianity. Once The Rapture occurs, these sites will, with the exception of Mor(m)on compounds, stand vacant. Consult with those at your church about the availability of their homes, Post-Rapture.


Childcare – Children are born sinful. We can do all that we can to bring them to Christ but this is no guarantee of their status once The Rapture begins. Your teenager may, without your knowledge, have lied about going out witnessing only to go to a friend’s house to watch hardcore pornography on MTV. Your cub scout may have been seduced by a homosexual scout master and now willingly has become a sex-slave. Or perhaps you have been unable to train your toddler not to touch his or her private parts. All of these examples disqualify your child to be Raptured. Who will take care of them as they watch the soles of your shoes ascended into the clouds? Just as you would choose Godparents for your child in the event of your death, it’s important to choose, for lack of a better term, Godless-Parents. This should be a married man and woman who, in the best scenario, just barely missed getting Raptured. Perhaps the father blasphemed infrequently or the mother shoplifted decorative teaspoons. Try to find the most Godly of the godless. Be sure to make them understand just what you expect from them.


Currency – Since in a Post-Rapture environment, paper “money” will mean nothing, gold and precious stones can mean the difference between a loaf of bread and starvation. No doubt, you have already converted any savings you have into gold and precious stones and have found a safe place in which to keep them. It is crucial that you leave directions to the location of your gold for your loved ones so they may find it after you have been raptured. There are several ways to do this. One is to leave a map with the location in a safety deposit box in a bank with explicit instructions that it not be opened until after The Rapture. If you take this course, draw up a legal document for the bank to sign and have it notarized. A second option is to send a letter via The Post-Rapture Post. This is an organization run by Atheists that have no conceivable change of getting Raptured. For a nominal fee, they guarantee to hand deliver letters from the Raptured to the unsaved. I will not vouch for this company. It may well be a scam. I only bring it up as a possibility. Some Christians, despite warnings, use Automatic Teller Machines and “debit” cards. In my opinion, the vast majority cannot be Raptured as they have consented to the Mark of the Beast. However, be sure to include in your letter your Personal Identification Number or PIN.


Credit – Although “money” will become meaningless Post-Rapture, it is believed that credit card companies will continue to issue credit. It is pointless in the scope of this to elucidate the logic of this but it involves actuarial tables and other tools of the occult. Again, most people with credit cards will not be Raptured as they have consented to the Mark of the Beast. HOWEVER, it may be wise to obtain a credit card for use by your loved ones. There is no reason for you to use your gold until absolutely necessary. Consult your pastor.


Sustenance – You should already have a fully stocked pantry encased in lead with supplies for a minimum of three months. If not, then you have not taken the nuclear threat posed by Iran seriously enough. If you have recently given your life to Christ and have not yet had The Rapture properly explained to you, then this page will help you in planning the contents of your pantry. Besides, your pantry, be sure to teach your loved ones proper gardening techniques as well as the proper way to slaughter, skin, dress and cure the meat of various types of animals.


Tools – Depending on your geographic location, you will need a variety of tools including – crosscut saws, hand saws, hammers, screw drivers, nails, screws, shotguns, hand guns, machine guns, bullets (buy triple what you think you need), padlocks, barbed wire, generators, batteries, shortwave transmitter/receiver, knives (for skinning, eating and self-defense), bows, arrows, ammonium nitrate, plastic explosives, blasting caps, wind up clocks, binoculars…your needs will undoubtedly vary.


Transportation – You should have both an American-made motorcycle and one manual transmission car made pre-1975 in Detroit. Also an assortment of bicycles and/or push scooters.


Bibles – I’ve saved the most important for last. Remember – The Rapture is only the prelude to the time when Jesus will return to Earth to judge the living and the dead. This means your unsaved loved ones have one more chance. It is vitally important that they know this. As they watch your body rise as God calls you home and truly understand what has happened, they need to understand that, although they are unworthly sinners, they may still redeem themselves before God. But they cannot do this unless you have given them the tools for their own redemption.

postheadericon The Tea Party Is In My Mouth!

Here’s a lil song to teabag your lil hearts away to! I expect it’s prolly gonna replace the old Tea Party theme song!

God is Love!

postheadericon BBN Tweets For God 2011-05-07

Powered by Twitter Tools

postheadericon Osama’s Dead? So’s Elvis

postheadericon BBN Tweets For God 2011-05-06

Powered by Twitter Tools

Help Me Help Jesus Help You

Tell Me Wh You Love America!
Billy Bob Neck’s Hour Of Bein’ Good
Billy Bob Neck's Hour of Bein' Good Sundays @ 2pm EST on Blog Talk Radio Billy Bob Neck's Hour Of Bein' Good


Blog Talk Radio
Supporting The Mission!