William Robert Neck Announces Presidential Exploratory Committee
BOSTON, MA – After conferring with Mrs. Shelley Goodman and Jesus, William Robert Neck, otherwise known as Billy Bob, announced his intention to form a presidential exploratory committee. “As long that’s what God wants,” Mr. Neck said, “then there ain’t no reason not to.”
Mr. Neck, 44, is a contributor to the conservative website Shelley The Republican (www.shelleytherepublican.com) and hosts the weekly radio show, Billy Bob Neck’s Hour Of Bein’ Good Thursdays from10am to 11am on WMFO, 91.5FM in Medford, MA (www.wmfo.org). He says the thought of a presidential run never occurred to him until Mrs. Goodman insisted that he at least consider it. “Billy Bob has the down-to-earth, straightforward and Godly thinking that Americans need in this time of terror and confusion,” Mrs. Goodman said. “The Republican party has gone so far to the left that they may as well put up Dennis Kucinich for president! It makes me physically ill to know that my party would even consider tolerating gays or condone the American Holocaust. That is NOT the Republican party that I grew up loving.”
Mr. Neck’s platform consists of three simple steps to restore America’s spotless reputation for honesty, fairness and morality after the nightmare of the Clinton years.
1. Go To Church
2. Home School
3. Gun Safety Classes
“That’s just about all you need,” Mr. Neck frequently says. “God created America and America’s gotta stop turning its back on God. Going to church is gonna make that tide turn around. Number Two used to be ‘Destroy the Godless government school system’ but some folks found that too negative. Instead, I encourage home schooling and that’ll mean the government school system is gonna just dry up. When you home school, you’re in charge so you can offer a prayer before every subject and the commies at the ACLU can’t do nothing about it. And, finally, Gun Safety. It’s my goal for every man, woman and child in the United States of America to carry a weapon with them at all times. Ain’t no mugger gonna try to rob an eighty-five year old woman when he knows she’s packing heat. As Charl Van Wyk says, you don’t never hear of Columbine happening in a police station or an Army base. The solution is more guns, not less”
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