We tried to warn y’all that riding a bike instead of driving a car would lead to sin, sodomy, economic collapse and the death of America. But you wouldn’t listen. “Ha ha,” you snickered in you’re high pitch homo laugh, “it’s just a bike. What wrong with riding a bike? You don’t use no gas. You help the ‘environment’. You get exercise. Ain’t nothing wrong with riding a bike!”
One of these days one of two things is gonna happen –
1) Y’all will start listening to us when we tell you to listen to God
2) You’re gonna wake up with the flesh burning off your body in Hell and wished you’d listened to us when we told you to listen to God.
What did riding a bike get us? The World Naked Bike Ride , that’s what, and if that don’t make God angry enough to bring about the Rapture, then I don’t know what will.
What’s The World Naked Bike Ride? It’s people riding bikes…NAKED. Right out in plain view! Taking their clothes off and showing their nakedness not only in front of God but in front of people they ain’t got no cause to show their nakedness to! Imagine leaving church with your young son one afternoon only to be confronted with thousands of naked people on bikes! What kinda damage is that gonna inflict on that poor child? What kinda horrible nightmares will he about getting chased by oversized breasts and genitalia? Is that gonna instill the proper sense of shame that God gave to Adam and Eve about their nakedness? Or is it gonna spur him on to rip off his clothing and join a filthy hippie bike commune?
I’d say yes.
And it goes beyond disobeying the word of God. It’s a blow to the American economy which runs on oil, coal and natural gas. Guess who loves riding bikes? Commies and yurpeens, that’s who. How are their economies doing? Not as good as ours. Why? Cuz we don’t ride bikes. Americans are putting money back into the economy every time they go to the pump unlike the selfish and self-serving so-called “citizens of the world” who don’t care about their economy cuz they don’t wanna work anyway. They’d rather just ride around the countryside picking loganberries and singing The Internacionale.
Support America! Drive a car!
This past Friday, the Lord set me a task that I didn’t really know if I was up to – converting witches in Buffalo, NY. I shoulda known that the Lord would stand beside me and guide me through the night with a light from above!
And don’t forget to come to First Parish, 35 Church St. in Watertown, MA when I make mincemeat out of Richard Zimmerman